You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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