Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
