i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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