Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
