I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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