dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
