I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
