end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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