Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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