I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
