The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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