You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
