Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
