im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
