Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm at about main and main street
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
