She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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