remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
