I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
