I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
