Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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