Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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