apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
