none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
