He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
