I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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