connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
