Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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