woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
