I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
