Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This is not my ceiling
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
