The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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