You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
