I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize