Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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