I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize