I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
