Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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