it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
3 2 1 whiskey
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
