I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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