What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
