we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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