Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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