Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
