and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
