The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
