We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
