I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
