help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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