why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
