for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
