There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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