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If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
