This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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