I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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