im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
