i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
