She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
