Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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