i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
