What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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