u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
