They should really pass out barf bags in church
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
