i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
