my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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