conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
