wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
