oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
