guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
