Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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