I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
