i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
