Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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