Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
