Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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