Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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