I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
