i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
