she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
