before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
