I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's the barista slut.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
