That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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